Decorating and Remembering at Christmas

I’m thinking about my heart.
I guess you’ve heard, sometimes it’s heavy.
[Ben Lee]

So, today’s post… May be a little on the heavy side.

I have debated about posting it, and honestly, I’ve written and rewritten it many times, trying to figure out what I want to communicate, and how I want to say it. So in addition to the ‘this is heavy’ warning, I’m going to throw out a ‘this is more real‘ and also a ‘this is WAY more raw’ warning, when compared with the posts I have been sharing over the past month. A little bit of a peek inside the lady making the crafts and reading the books, I suppose…

When the idea for this post first popped into my head, I intended to just focus on the craft aspect of it- upcycling to create an easy DIY centerpiece, perfect for Christmas, but versatile enough to use at other holidays. Easy to adapt to your own personal style. And of course, the whole reason I even decided to make these centerpieces this year- great way to keep tiny toddler hands far away from your fragile, meaningful ornaments, without hiding them away in boxes in your basement.

As I put the project together and started photographing it, it felt like an opportunity to go a bit further than vintage ornaments or acrylic paints. So I’m going to seize that opportunity, and use this post to share a little bit about my son, and the small way we include him in our holiday season.

On my various social media accounts, I post often about the adventures of #thebigone and #thelittleone, my 6 year old and my 16 month old. A quick glance at the feeds, and it’s easy to assume I’m a mom of 2 boys. People are often surprised to learn that I am actually a mother to 3 beautiful boys, with #myrunawaybunny sandwiched between the others. Avi is not a secret, by any means, but his short life often flusters people who are unprepared for the topic, and the internet can complicate that further at times. My sweet second boy went into distress the day of his scheduled c-section, and when I woke up from the emergency surgery’s anesthesia, he was already gone.

Photo credit: Debra Wallace Photography via Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

It’s been nearly three years now- that first year was a tumultuous experience of overwhelming grief & irrational guilt; the second was a complicated mix of sadness and panic and uncertainty, as we prepared to welcome #thelittleone to our family. As we approach what would have been Avi’s third birthday in a few months, things continue to change. We live with our sadness very well now- some days are harder than others, and holidays are always bittersweet, but we find ways to remember and honor Avi wherever we can. This year, when we decided we wouldn’t be putting up a Christmas tree, because it was honestly just easier to skip it with our newly mobile, destructo-toddler terrorizing the house, I knew I would miss seeing the ornaments I pick for #myrunawaybunny each year, and decided to find a way to display them, while protecting them from #thelittleone.

The craft-factor involved is super minimal- anyone can easily pull this off in just an hour or two. I actually made 2 of the displays in very little time, because I happened across nearly identical domed cheese-boards at local thrift stores, and knew I would be able to use both. I grabbed some glossy acrylic paint and a sponge brush, and put a few coats on the board, letting them dry thoroughly between coats. I chose black because I wanted a fairly neutral base, and also because I really wanted the ornaments I was displaying to pop against the dark tone. White would be another great neutral option. (Oh, and don’t tell my husband, but I’m on the hunt for at least one or two more that I can try gold or silver leafing on).

One nice feature about this project is that the ornaments can easily be rearranged or replaced at any time. If you’re the type who changes your holiday colors each year, it’s perfect for you. If you’re displaying your ornaments here until your toddler can learn some self control (solidarity, I feel ya on this!), you’ll have no trouble putting the ornaments on the tree next year. Also, how great would some Easter eggs customized by your kiddos look in it on your table in the spring? Miniature jack-o-lanterns in the fall? Super versatile, super simple.

After the paint was totally dry, I pulled together the collections of ornaments I wanted to display in each. When we moved my grandmother into memory care, I found some beautiful vintage glass ornaments packed away in her crawlspace. I have been trying to find a way to incorporate them into my holiday decor ever since, but vintage ornaments are super fragile, so I was always nervous about having them hanging. I used a mixture of my grandmother’s old ornaments, some vintage ornaments I scored at local thrift stores, and some small baubles from my happy place (Target) in shades of gold & pink for this display. I was not terribly concerned with the arrangement of the ornaments in this display- sometimes a little randomness is lovely to look at- so I turned the dome over, filled it with the baubles, set the board in place, and then slowly flipped the whole thing over. I especially love the color combination, since it’s nice to get a break from the traditional red & green that is always everywhere during the holiday season.

On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, “Life will never be the same.” Because there had never been anyone like you… Ever in the world. [Nancy Tilman]

For my sweet boy’s display, I pulled out the ornaments we have purchased in his memory over the last several years. Avi’s color has always been aqua, and we often associate him with elephants because of the bright blue elephant lovey I chose for him before he was born. I used a little Stick Tac to help secure the more oddly shaped ornaments. I love how his centerpiece turned out, and I am so happy to be able to have a special reminder of #myrunawaybunny in my home this holiday season. When the season is over, I can pack up his special decorations to wait safely until next December, when #thelittleone is (hopefully) a bit better behaved!

Every life leaves something beautiful behind.

So… not TOO heavy, right? This half-craft, half=catharsis mash-up post of mine?

Hug your children tight, and treasure them, not just on Christmas, but everyday… even on the days they’re making you nuts and all you want is five minutes to pee alone.
For the parents like me, experiencing bittersweet moments with each passing holiday- know that you’re not alone, even if it feels lonely at times, & know that you’re so strong, even if you feel like you’re not.
If no one else has told you yet this season-
I wish your child could be here to enjoy this time too, and I’m so sorry that they are not. 

If our collection for Avi has inspired you to do some shopping of your own, please consider purchasing via my Amazon Affiliate link below- you’ll get a beautiful holiday keepsake just like those we treasure at no additional cost to you, and I may earn a small commission that allows me to be home with my kiddos. Win-win, right?! (Affiliate disclosure). 

2014 Ornament

2015 Ornament

2016 Ornament

Gorgeous book that inspired the ornaments.

2014 Always Remembered Ornament

2015 Always Remembered Ornament

Other ideas to make your holiday season special can be found here…
Please check out Still Standing if you are in need of emotional support or other resources surrounding bereavement- you are never alone.